Boomer Yearbook

Family Generations Living Together

By Boomeryearbook.com


Whether you are a senior or a baby boomer in middle age with an elderly relative residing in your home, the problems of keeping everybody happy can be punctuated by disagreements and fallouts as a result of trying to accommodate different generations in the same house.


People of all ages value their independence and privacy. Sometimes, either through budget restrictions or the layout of the home, it is not possible to provide as much discretion as you would like to an elderly resident or even to a younger teenager or child. The generations have to learn to cohabit peacefully, therefore, sometimes emotional pressures get the better of everyone.


The best way forward in these situations is to know when to try to arbitrate. There is no point in making a heated interjection in the middle of a full scale battle over who uses the bathroom too often and for too long.


The discussion needs to be deferred until all parties are calm and receptive and this could be a matter of minutes, hours or even days if your aging baby boomer relative is particularly stubborn! It is not important when the discussion takes place, as long as it eventually does.
It is also important to know whether to interfere in the relationship that exists between the generations in your home. There is a natural ‘pecking order’ in most families and disturbing this delicate framework can sometimes be disastrous. It is always more sensible not to interfere unless things are getting nasty. Allow family members to conduct their own disagreements up to a point; after all, nobody can live in complete harmony all of the time!


When talking to members of the family about a disagreement that has turned ugly, deliberately introduce references to the love that exists between the two parties and the respect that is necessary to nurture that love. The cause of the disagreement is rarely of significant importance; it is more likely to be the pressure of living together that has caused the problem rather than a single incident. Gloss over the cause and try to deal with what happens next rather than dwelling on where to lay the blame for the disagreement.


Taking sides is rarely productive when dealing with disputes between aging baby boomer members of the family and other people who are younger. The elderly person will resent you for showing such disrespect and the younger will take shameless advantage if you show a preference. If you support the elder’s point of view, you will alienate the younger person, so you really cannot win! Try to be general in your opinions and concentrate on emphasizing the need for everyone to make an effort rather than one in particular.


A good idea after such incidents is always to try to create some space between the two parties for a while, to allow warm tempers to cool and to enable a period of reflection – until the next time!


Being a Referee: Arbitration in Family Disputes
is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We'd love to hear what you think.


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