Boomer Yearbook

Baby Boomers Guide to Kubler Ross's Stages Mourning

Resolving elderly problems


By Boomeryearbook.com


There is no need to cry, because it did not really happen. There is no need to make any adjustments to your life because nothing has changed. This is the message that churns in the unconscious mind of a baby boomer in the first stage of grieving. Grief in its early stages is all the more difficult to cope with for someone who is pretending the deceased is still part of their life and might walk through the door any time now.


Denial often features in the grieving process even before the other party has died. It can begin in the final hours, days or weeks of terminal illness, making a patient’s last experiences more painful as he or she realizes how badly their partner is going to deal with their death. In practical terms, someone who is actively denying their partner is dying can wreck havoc by refusing to make allowances for serious illness. If it is not happening, there is no need to accommodate it, right? For a baby boomer who is trying to accept and deal with his or her own death, it seems cruel that their partner might persist in trying new doctors, new medication, new approaches to a disease for which there is no cure.


For people who have enjoyed a long marriage or partnership, the denial process is more pronounced, especially if the relationship has been particularly devoted. A determined baby boomer style refusal to take imminent death on board as a reality can put off the inevitable side kick of grieving: tears. Crying over a death, sometimes before it actually occurs, is part of the natural process of releasing emotional pressure. The old adage ‘You’ll feel better after a good cry’ carries a valuable piece of advice when coming to terms with death and loss.


A baby boomer who has not yet overcome denial and gone on to the second stage of grieving often comes up against severe criticism for appearing to be casual or complacent over the death of a deeply loved partner. Their attitude might be mistaken for callousness but in fact they are merely in denial. The illness is not serious enough to kill, the death will not happen, the death has not happened, this sad stage of grieving can destroy all the beautiful exchanges of loving emotion that might occur immediately before death, making the second stage of grief – anger - even more furious as the person rages against the injustice of being deprived of their partner.


For a grieving baby boomer, the first stage of grief is the most painful. The first stage is considerably easier if the grieving process is accompanied by plenty of tears but sometimes people are unable to cry at this point. The first stage is different for everyone, of course: some people manage to go through the first stage in hours and some take weeks or even months. How do you know if the first stage has been passed? Usually the second stage is anger; laced with confrontational and irritable behaviour. Don’t worry – you’ll know!


The Psychological Article on Denial: The First Stage of Grief is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We'd love to hear what you think.


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